Last week, I discussed the relationship between Anne and George Boleyn, which you can read here. In my opinion, Anne and George were the closest of the Boleyn siblings. However, we should not overlook Anne’s relationship with her older sister, Mary Boleyn. Like Anne and George, the relationship between Mary and Anne remains rather mysterious, though perhaps even more-so than Anne and George’s. Rather than dwelling on that, however, we should focus on what we do know.
Early Years
The three siblings spent their early years together at Hever Castle before Anne left for the Netherlands in 1513. While we do not know why Anne was chosen over Mary to serve at the court of Margaret of Austria, Mary remained at home in England. Unfortunately, none of the Boleyn siblings publicly reminisced about their childhood at Hever, but one can imagine it being relatively happy, given their privileged upbringing.
Both Anne and Mary served Mary Tudor, Queen of France, in 1514. However, following the death of Mary Tudor’s husband, Mary Boleyn returned to England with the widow the following year, while Anne remained in France, joining the household of Queen Claude. In 1520, Mary married William Carey, but it is unlikely that Anne attended the wedding, as she was still in France. George, however, may have been present. The siblings would likely have reunited at the Field of Cloth of Gold that same year, and, by 1522, all three were back in England. Anne, like Mary, had taken her place as one of Queen Katherine’s ladies-in-waiting.
Mary and Henry VIII
At some point after Mary’s return to England, she became Henry VIII’s mistress. While the exact timeline is unknown, the affair likely occurred between 1515 and 1526/7. We know this affair definitely happened, as Henry later sought a dispensation to marry Anne, citing his previous carnal relations with one of her relatives. This led to speculation that he had been involved with both Anne’s mother and sister, to which Henry replied, “never the mother.”1
Fiction often dramatises this affair, portraying Anne as deliberately stealing Henry from Mary or Mary fleeing court in jealousy. However, historical evidence offers no support for such animosity between the sisters. It was more likely that Henry, as was his habit, grew tired of Mary. The same might well have happened to Anne had she not refused his advances and insisted on marriage instead.
Anne’s return to England
After Anne returned to England, there is little evidence to suggest a close bond between the sisters. Both participated in the Shrovetide pageant of 1522, with Mary playing Kindness and Anne Perseverance, but no records detail their interactions during this time. The next documented connection between them came in 1528, when Anne became the guardian of Mary’s son, Henry Carey, following the death of Mary’s husband, William Carey.
This arrangement is sometimes misinterpreted as Anne “stealing” Mary’s son, but it was more likely a practical decision that Mary would have appreciated. As Henry Carey’s guardian, Anne would have overseen his education and ensured his future prospects – resources Mary, a widow with two young children, may have struggled to provide on her own. Despite this wardship, Mary would have remained her son’s caregiver and parental figure.
Glimpses of Their Relationship
In 1530, Anne was given 20 pounds by Henry VIII “for the redemption of a jewel which my lady Mary Rocheford had.”2 Unfortunately, we do not know the story behind this jewel – whether it was once gifted to Mary as a promise or token of affection, or whether it was simply a jewel that Henry wanted returned. I would love to know though, I think it would answer so many questions for us about Mary and Henry’s affair as well as Mary and Anne’s bond.
In 1532, Mary accompanied Anne on her diplomatic trip to Calais to meet King Francois I, hinting at some level of support between the sisters, even if Mary was not a permanent part of Anne’s household. While Mary was not as demonstratively supportive as George – who wrote dedications to Anne – she seems to have shown her love and loyalty in quieter ways.
The only documented interaction between the sisters occurred in 1534 and, unfortunately, it was a sour one. In September of that year, Mary appeared at court heavily pregnant. This raised eyebrows, as Mary’s husband had died six years earlier – a victim of the Sweating Sickness. The truth, however, was that Mary had secretly remarried to a man named William Stafford, a soldier of the Calais garrison. Anne, furious that Mary had married far below her station – and without her permission – reportedly banished her sister from court as a consequence of her “gross misconduct.”
Mary later wrote to Cromwell, swearing that she had married for love and pleading with him to intercede with Anne and the King to reconsider their judgement. In her letter, Mary declared, “I had rather beg my bread with him than to be the greatest queen in Christendom.”3 Was this a subtle dig at Anne? A reminder that Mary had once been in Henry’s favour, or a commentary on Anne’s presumed pursuit of power over love? We do not know. Nor do we know if Anne ever saw the letter.
Final Days
It would be unfair to define Mary and Anne’s relationship by one moment. One argument does not erase what were likely many moments of affection between the sisters. I hope, however, that this was not Mary’s final memory of her sister.
There is no record of Mary’s whereabouts during the final, tragic months of Anne and George’s lives. It is possible, and highly likely, she avoided court during this turbulent time, but we cannot be certain of anything.
Conclusion
Mary and Anne’s relationship is difficult to define. While they were not as evidently close as Anne and George, this does not necessarily mean they were estranged. Like most siblings, they likely had their ups and downs, moments of both affection and disagreement.
One argument or moment of tension should not overshadow what was likely a complex relationship. We may never fully understand the dynamic between Mary and Anne Boleyn, but that is part of what makes their story so fascinating.
- Ives, Eric William. The Life and Death of Anne Boleyn: “The Most Happy,” Blackwell, Malden, Mass, 2006, p. 16. ↩︎
- ‘Henry VIII: Privy Purse Expences’, in Letters and Papers, Foreign and Domestic, Henry VIII, Volume 5, 1531-1532. Edited by James Gairdner (London, 1880), British History Online, https://www.british-history.ac.uk/letters-papers-hen8/vol5/pp747-762. ↩︎
- Wood, Mary. Letters of Royal and Illustrious Ladies of Great Britain,” vol II, 1846, p. 196. ↩︎
